Microaggressions vs Micro-incivilities: Why the Words We Use Matter 

In this post, we’ll break down why “micro-aggressions” might not be the most helpful term, explore the problems it can cause, and introduce you to an alternative: micro-incivilities. Plus, we’ll take a deeper dive into the research on workplace civility to understand why it matters and how it can transform your workplace.

Let’s be honest – the word aggression is a bit loaded, isn’t it? It makes you think of someone doing something deliberately harmful. But here’s the thing: a lot of so-called micro-aggressions are actually unintentional. They come from unconscious biases, not outright hostility.

For example, let’s say someone comments, “You speak English so well!” to a person who grew up in the UK. It might sound like a compliment, but it carries an assumption that they wouldn’t normally be fluent – which can be hurtful. But did the person who said it mean to offend? Probably not.

Using the word aggression implies intent, which can put people on the defensive. Instead of reflecting on their behaviour, they might feel attacked or unfairly labelled. Research even backs this up: one study found that people reacted much more positively to terms like “micro-messages” compared to “micro-aggressions” (Smith & Griffiths, 2022). Words matter, and emotionally charged ones can sometimes do more harm than good.

The word micro-aggressions doesn’t just create defensiveness – it can also muddy the waters in D&I discussions. Here’s why:

1. It focuses on intent, not behaviour. By assuming aggression, the term can make the person feel like they’re being blamed for something deliberate, even if they didn’t mean it that way.
2. It’s confusing. The term is used to describe everything from minor missteps to outright rude comments, which can leave people unsure of what actually counts as a micro-aggression.
   
3. It alienates people. When someone feels accused of being aggressive, they’re more likely to shut down than engage in a meaningful conversation about how they can improve.

At its worst, this can turn D&I training into a blame game, where people feel more judged than supported. That’s not exactly the recipe for a more inclusive workplace, is it?

So, what’s the solution? Enter micro-incivilities. This term takes a different approach by focusing on the behaviour rather than the intent. It’s about what was said or done, not whether someone meant to cause harm.

For example, imagine a colleague repeatedly interrupts you in meetings. They might not realise they’re doing it, but it’s still disrespectful and dismissive. That’s a micro-incivility. The beauty of this term is that it doesn’t assume malice – it just points out that the behaviour isn’t okay and needs to change.

This small shift in language makes a huge difference. By removing the assumption of aggression, micro-incivilities encourage open, constructive conversations. It’s much easier for someone to reflect on their actions when they don’t feel like they’re being accused of something awful.

To really understand the value of micro-incivilities, it helps to step back and look at the broader research on workplace civility. Workplace civility is all about treating others with respect, consideration, and politeness. It’s the foundation of a healthy organisational culture, and research shows it’s more important than you might think.

Studies on workplace civility highlight the ripple effects of small, positive behaviours. Employees who feel respected and included are more likely to:

• Be productive. A respectful workplace fosters better focus and engagement. When people aren’t stressed about being interrupted or dismissed, they can put their energy into their work.
• Stay loyal. Civility is a key factor in reducing employee turnover. When employees feel valued, they’re more likely to stay with the organisation.
• Collaborate effectively. Mutual respect builds trust, making teams work more smoothly together.

On the flip side, incivility – even in small doses – can have serious consequences. Research has found that workplace incivility leads to lower job satisfaction, increased stress, and even physical health problems. Employees exposed to incivility are also more likely to disengage, take sick leave, or quit their jobs altogether.

Despite its importance, workplace civility often takes a backseat in discussions about organisational culture. This might be because civility seems so basic – like common sense – that it’s assumed everyone already knows how to practise it. But here’s the truth: in high-pressure, fast-paced environments, small acts of rudeness or thoughtlessness can creep in without anyone noticing. Over time, these behaviours chip away at morale and trust.

This is where micro-incivilities come in. By focusing on specific, low-level behaviours, this concept gives organisations a practical way to address incivility before it spirals out of control. 

The key is to focus on the impact of the behaviour rather than the intent. For example:

• Interrupting someone in a meeting isn’t necessarily malicious, but it’s still dismissive.
• Failing to say “thank you” for a team effort might not seem like a big deal, but it can make people feel unappreciated.

When these behaviours are labelled as incivilities rather than aggressions, they become easier to talk about. Instead of feeling blamed, people are more open to acknowledging and changing their actions.

While micro-aggressions might be a buzzword in D&I conversations, its focus on intent can backfire, creating defensiveness and confusion. Micro-incivilities offer a more practical, research-backed alternative. By focusing on behaviour and its impact, organisations can tackle subtle disrespect in a way that encourages growth and collaboration.

At its core, workplace civility isn’t just about being polite – it’s about creating an environment where everyone feels respected and valued. And when you make civility a priority, the results speak for themselves: happier employees, stronger teams, and a culture that people want to be a part of.

So, let’s rethink how we talk about subtle disrespect. Maybe it’s time to swap out micro-aggressions for micro-incivilities – and start building a workplace where everyone can thrive.

What are your thoughts on workplace civility? Could focusing on micro-incivilities make a difference in your organisation? Let’s start the conversation! Get in touch by emailing us at hello@pearnkandola.com or use the form below.